PATRICK HUGUENIN
A. A garden of delights. [4]
B. Something you’re too old for. [2]
C. The setting for Carrie. [1]
A. Nowhere—you’ll be front and center on Market Street! [3]
B. A pool party in the Los Altos Hills. [2]
C. At Alcatraz. [1]
A. Played one-on-one with John Amaechi. [5]
B. Ate your shame away. [1]
C. Attended the Black Party. [3]
A. Your jockstrap. [4]
B. Your fave pair of Birkenstocks. [3]
C. Your fifth of Scotch. [2]
A. Take off your bracelets and put up your dukes. [2]
B. Ask, "Pre-op or post-op?" [5]
C. Tell her to take the tip, ’cause she ain’t getting the shaft, honey. [4]
A. What they do in the U.S. Army when "Reveille" plays. [1]
B. An ancient gay art passed down from generation to generation. [2]
C. What you noticed out the window on Christopher Street while you were getting blown. [4]
A. Themed "carnal," not "carnations." [4]
B. Spraying liquor and candy. Only. [2]
C. Kept off of Santa Monica while you’re trying to park in front of Hugo’s. [1]
A. Should stay out of the way of your equestrian club. [2]
B. Are meant to be used 2 at a time. [5]
C. Chafe under all that leather. [1]
A. Itching. [1]
B. Bitching. [2]
C. The itch that only one thing can scratch. [5]
A. Ellen DeGeneres—dance, dance, dance. [3]
B. Boy George—fast, hard and outdoors. [4]
C. Gore Vidal—classy and old-school. [2]
A. Call your ex and tell him you love him. [2]
B. Call your frat bro and tell him you love him. [4]
C. Call your mom and tell him you love him. (Whoops! Sorry, Mom. What? No, I’m fine. No, fine. Listen, I gotta go…) [1]
A. GWM ISO STR8 PNP A-OK. [4]
B. BiAM 5’6" 120# INTO POO, R U? [3]
C. CPL 4 9" 3RD AIRPORT SHERATON [1]
< 18 points
You might be politically proud, but when it comes to the gay holiday, it seems you’d simply rather not partake. While glistening 6-packs dance through our head, you see only perspiration and hernias. If you must attend Pride, we recommend a stiff drink and a dose of superiority.
18 to 32 points
You’re not riding the float, but you’re happy to line the parade route and snatch up the free CDs, T-shirts, gumdrops and ball gags. By the time the streets are empty and the clubs are full, you’ll probably be nestled safely in (someone else’s) bed.
> 32 points
Haters, beware! Coming out was only the beginning for you, friend. Look out for the clichés that always seem to find their way into your wardrobe (and your pants), but let your inner butterfly run wild and the pink fluffy clouds are the limit. Welcome to your day!
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