PATRICK HUGUENIN

1. The Boston Alliance of Gay and Lesbian Youth Prom sounds like:

A. A garden of delights. [4]
B. Something you’re too old for. [2]
C. The setting for Carrie. [1]
 

2. You’re invited to San Francisco for the big day, but you’d prefer to be:

A. Nowhere—you’ll be front and center on Market Street! [3]
B. A pool party in the Los Altos Hills. [2]
C. At Alcatraz. [1]

3. To start getting in shape for the summer, you:

A. Played one-on-one with John Amaechi. [5]
B. Ate your shame away. [1]
C. Attended the Black Party. [3]

4. Your most important Pride fashion accessory is:

A. Your jockstrap. [4]
B. Your fave pair of Birkenstocks. [3]
C. Your fifth of Scotch. [2]

5. The trannie queen handling the door list wants more than a tip. You:

A. Take off your bracelets and put up your dukes. [2]
B. Ask, "Pre-op or post-op?" [5]
C. Tell her to take the tip, ’cause she ain’t getting the shaft, honey. [4]

6. Flag twirling is:

A. What they do in the U.S. Army when "Reveille" plays. [1]
B. An ancient gay art passed down from generation to generation. [2]
C. What you noticed out the window on Christopher Street while you were getting blown. [4]

7. Floats should be:

A. Themed "carnal," not "carnations." [4]
B. Spraying liquor and candy. Only. [2]
C. Kept off of Santa Monica while you’re trying to park in front of Hugo’s. [1]

8. Motorcycle daddies:

A. Should stay out of the way of your equestrian club. [2]
B. Are meant to be used 2 at a time. [5]
C. Chafe under all that leather. [1]

9. Symptoms of "circuit fever" include:

A. Itching. [1]
B. Bitching. [2]
C. The itch that only one thing can scratch. [5]

10. You’re going to party like you’re:

A. Ellen DeGeneres—dance, dance, dance. [3]
B. Boy George—fast, hard and outdoors. [4]
C. Gore Vidal—classy and old-school. [2]

11. Uh-oh, you’re on E. You:

A. Call your ex and tell him you love him. [2]
B. Call your frat bro and tell him you love him. [4]
C. Call your mom and tell him you love him. (Whoops! Sorry, Mom. What? No, I’m fine. No, fine. Listen, I gotta go…) [1]

12. You’re Craigslisting a date for the parade. He’s:

A. GWM ISO STR8 PNP A-OK. [4]
B. BiAM 5’6" 120# INTO POO, R U? [3]
C. CPL 4 9" 3RD AIRPORT SHERATON [1]

CALCULATE YOUR SCORE

< 18 points
You might be politically proud, but when it comes to the gay holiday, it seems you’d simply rather not partake. While glistening 6-packs dance through our head, you see only perspiration and hernias. If you must attend Pride, we recommend a stiff drink and a dose of superiority.