PATRICK HUGUENIN
Yeah, you really are too old to be wearing that... |
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Aging—the bogeyman of gay life, that monster mix of fat, gray and wrinkles we so wish would stay in the closet. But, the closet is wide open and the tools to a graceful transition lie within. Take it from me, the know-it-all 22-year-old fashion expert. I’ll tell you how to get me on a date. Step 1? I don’t want you to dress my age.
YOU WERE:
A Twink
YOU SHOULD BE:
A Dandy
You were the smoothest body on the block. When you finally hit puberty, you didn’t know what to do, and you’ve been waxing that shit for the past 20 years.
Give your follicles a break. You can keep your clean-cut image without so much cutting. The right touch of Gatsby foppishness will have you looking boyish into…well, you might compete with me for the daddies even when you are one.
Above all else, don’t lose your flair for fun. In the land of ascots, slim jackets, Italian loafers and fine hats, the ex-twink can play free.
YOU WERE:
A Chelsea Boy
YOU SHOULD BE:
A Corporate Cat
We do love us a Chelsea Boy—the cut-off shorts, the muscle tanks—but, what happens when the legs and muscles start to go?
Time to move beyond the neighborhood. You’re still obsessed with the gym, but let those biceps be a surprise, not a calling card. You’ve moved up in the world and now you have a career to show off, in addition to a body. To me, a man in a muscle shirt screams, "Trying too hard." But, put a nice arm under a great suit…and I’m hard.
You’ll get more by making us wonder. And there’s one asset you might never be able to hide in the right pair of suit pants. Whatever you think about the interns, we’re not just looking at your wallet.
YOU WERE:
A Surfer/Hippie/Punk
YOU SHOULD BE:
A Rake
We get it: You don’t like to dress up. You spent your golden years in board shorts, tattered jeans or a fine set of tattoos. But, you can still let it all hang out by buckling it in. Nothing says badass like that one casual detail in an otherwise well-heeled outfit.
Want to rebel, but be respected? Your footwear is one place you can show creativity without losing your cool, even when the establishment forces you into shoes. Boots that fit with a suit, vintage sneakers and high-end options abound.
Miss the smell of hemp in the morning? Your buttoning-up can still be green and breezy, with natural fibers and an eye for fit instead of flash.
Refuse to submit to the Billboard Top 40? Bring rock to the office, just lower the volume. You can be sure that I noticed the skulls on your cufflinks when I brought you your coffee, so I already know you’re hardcore.
YOU WERE:
An All-American Boy
YOU SHOULD BE:
An All-American Man
You spent your 20s hanging on to the college boy look. Maybe you didn’t just come from practice, but the baseball T-shirt and cap still fit the jock you are, right? Wrong. It’s time to leave the dugout and step up to the plate—this time as coach.
We liked your Rockwell version of boyhood, all rugby shirts and khakis. We’re ready for your classic approach to adulthood—the move from Green Bay to Georgetown. Maybe your dad wasn’t the best dressed in the neighborhood, but remember who was? The one you hoped you’d see jogging? We’re looking for Oxford shirts, a tie that says, "Pull me," and a wink over the top of your designer spectacles.
My advice: Approximate a look that says, "If I get the kids to school early, I’ll have time for a workout." It’s bound to make me want to see how daddy can work.
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